Making progress

From Yoga Body

I found the perfect meditation bench this week. For many years when I meditated, I used a futon and zabuton as the person pictured here on the left is doing. What I discovered when I decided to take up meditation again is that my knees are very unhappy when I bend them out to the side and sit cross-legged. I don't know when it happened, but I remembered that I had once used another person's meditation bench and found it quite comfortable, as your knees fold under the bench. I called a few yoga places around town and was told of a local artist who makes these benches. Eberhard met me at a local store and let me try out several of his already made benches, and I found a lovely cherry wood bench that fits me exactly.

It's much easier for me to keep my back straight when my knees are pointed downwards and not bent out to the side. After finding an appropriate place to sit in my apartment, I gave it a try and found it very easy to begin again the practice of sitting. I figured I'd build up five minutes at a time, but the five minutes became a quarter of an hour without any effort. I'm looking forward to building this into my daily life. The technique I use is to follow my breath, bringing my wandering mind back again and again to the breath. Years ago I used a mantra, but somehow it doesn't feel right to me today; maybe I need another one. There are several places here in Bellingham where I can go to sit with others, if I feel the need, and my little bench is quite portable.

I got the blood work back and found that my thyroid is functioning within normal parameters. The TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) number is on the low end, and a bit lower than when it was measured two years ago, but the new doctor is reassuring about the lump most likely being a benign cyst. My worries about it have been greatly reduced, and now I think I can stop focusing on what is wrong in my life and start thinking about what is right and positive. Yesterday I wrote a post on my other blog about the trials my brother-in-law Pete and my sister Norma Jean are going through right now. He's been signed up for Hospice and has been given only a few days or weeks to live. However, Pete is wanting to defy the odds and hang on for as long as possible. Pulmonary emphysema is a real killer, but it doesn't follow an orderly pattern. The doctors are convinced he won't be around much longer, but the atmosphere in their home and his positive attitude amaze me. I think he's found a way to squeeze out every last drop of life, and I'm so proud of him.

I notice how quickly I formulate consistent patterns in my daily life, and it's interesting to see how these patterns (like writing this post every Sunday morning) give me a sense of security. Every week day I get up at the same time as when I was working and begin my day. The scary part of retirement for many people is not to have any reason to get up, and I found it scary, too. But it isn't in me not to have a place to go, something to do with my day, a sense of purpose. My days are full and varied, and there are activities stacked up waiting for me to find the time for them, if I want.

Some people, like my partner, need lots of unstructured time to create, whereas I am just the opposite. I wonder if it's something inherent within a person or a learned behavior. It rarely occurs to me that I don't have to get up at the time I do, that I don't have to take the bus to town to my local coffee shop and gym, it's just what I do during the week. It's been almost three years now, and it feels just right to me. Every Thursday is reserved for my Senior Trailblazer hikes, and whether it's raining or the sun is shining, I look forward to it with real pleasure. Every Saturday now I walk with the Fairhaven Walkers group and have coffee with the other walkers afterwards. Once the skydiving season begins again, I'll head down to Snohomish on Saturday or Sunday to spend time jumping out of airplanes with the dear friends I've made there.

Yes, I'm making progress in my life. There's no actual place to get to, or through, or around. The days show up predictably and comfortably, and I make my way through each one. My life partner shares these days with me, and mostly he goes his way and I go mine, but the sense that he is attuned to me, that we are attuned to each other, adds the final thread to completion. I am not alone on this journey, I have the love and support of my family and friends to buoy me up and allows me to soar. This must be what is meant by happiness.