Another Sunday rolls around

And this one is Oscar night! I almost always turn the TV onto the channel and watch while I'm doing other things. Tonight will be the same. This year, my friend Judy and I have tried to see all the movies and performances and I've got my own ideas of who SHOULD take home the Oscar, but we all know it has little to do with who deserves it. Like everything else, taking home an Oscar has as much to do with politics as anything. I enjoy all the dresses and jewelry, and I imagine that the past weeks of preparation for tonight's gala have people glad that the time has finally arrived.

It seems such a distant and unreal event to me as I sit here in the dark on this Sunday morning. Having read the news of the world, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to wake to the sunrise over Baghdad, or Tehran, or Homs. As terrible as things get in my part of the world, I simply cannot envision what living in the middle of one of these places would be like. The juxtaposition of the news and the Tinsel Town glitter is almost surreal, like something made up for a novel.

Where am I going with this? I don't usually let myself get too involved in politics of any kind, because it tends to make me depressed. I can't change what is happening in the world, although my laptop brings every little piece of it into my consciousness. Actually, that's not true. It brings that part of the world's happenings that the news media thinks I'll be interested in. There are so many things happening everywhere, and we only glimpse a small little portion of it.

My favorite news channel on TV is KBTC Worldview, part of the PBS offerings here on cable. It gives me news in English from Russia, Hong Kong, France, India, Al Jazeera, and much more. It's very interesting to see the world news through the eyes of other country's newscasts. The local news here in Washington state usually brings me nothing but the latest shootings, traffic accidents, floods, and other local disasters. You could get really depressed if that was the only television you watched.

One of the best things about the digital revolution is the sheer volume of information that is available to me at my fingertips. As I pondered what to write about this morning, as nothing earth-shattering is happening in my own life right now, I visited Google a few times, one to grab that picture of the Oscars, and another to look for a picture of pretty gold-glitter shoes. This week I saw a young girl wearing a pair, and they brought back a memory of some shoes I once owned. It's like falling into a whirlpool when I look at a hundred images of glitter. Not to mention that it makes it difficult for me to focus on writing this post.

I've set it up so that the schedule of writing this on Sunday morning feels like a deadline I must meet. Obviously the world wouldn't come to an end if I didn't post this morning, but my own internal world needs structure, whether imposed from within or from without -- so here I sit, thinking about all the many mornings I've sat with my laptop propped up in bed, partner asleep next to me, going inside the interesting corridors of my mind. Who knows what will emerge? I have spent 120 Sundays doing this, and it may not feel like much of a deadline to anyone else, but to me, it's solid.

This particular blog was begun so that I could write about how I got here, to this place in my life. If you were to go back to the first posts, you would see that I journeyed through my life story in chronological order, discussing my early years, marriages, losses, and when I got to the present time, I gave myself permission to write whatever comes into my mind. A few months ago (I went looking and can't find the post), I wondered out loud if it might be time to end this blog but was encouraged by my commenters to allow myself to roam and wander. I remember Whitney reminded me of the words I put in the "Why This Blog" box, to write for myself. You know, that's all well and good, but I am very aware of the fact that this is a PUBLIC blog, the whole blogosphere could read it if they knew about it and cared. It's public, and that restrains me in several ways, not the least of which is that I don't want to offend anyone or embarrass myself. Therefore, when I write I keep in mind the myriad friends and acquaintances I feel I know well: you know who you are.

The blogging world is an amazing development in my life. I follow around a hundred blogs, and most of the authors are like me: they like to write and share a bit of themselves and their lives. It's created something new in the world: a community of bloggers who care about each other. Some have even made an effort to meet in person, and I've done so too. I've talked on the phone, exchanged personal emails, met a few, and I realize that my life would be so much less full and varied without the daily exchange I have with them. Each blog has its own flavor, and some are guaranteed to make me laugh; others to challenge me to think about life in a different way. It's become an integral part of my social calendar.

I see that the sky is beginning to lighten, and I hear the first birds waking and beginning their morning serenades. And another Sunday morning post is almost finished. I feel content and fulfilled.