|Lost Lake outlet|
If I knew how to keep myself from worrying about things, I would. Perhaps it's time to turn back to meditation. It served me well in past years, but I just don't seem to be very motivated right now. My inclination to lie awake and worry, though, is not conducive to a good night's sleep or good for my health. My latest worry is having to go to the Social Security office tomorrow and find out why they have taken so much money out for Medicare. My notification of Social Security for the coming year came in the mail yesterday, but something is awry. There is nothing to be done except to go down to the office and get in line. I'm sure I won't be alone, so I'll skip my usual workout routine and spend the day there hoping to fix the problem. It looks like they think I am signing up for the first time, although I've been on Medicare for almost seven years. This is the first year I've had a problem, so I will dutifully smile and try to remember that the poor clerk who will be at the window is not the reason for the problem.
What I notice about my thought processes these days is that I tend to bounce something around in my mind, going back over and over the same ground, getting nowhere except having worked myself into a bad mood. Things happen to people all the time, that is the constant; how one deals with adverse events is up to each of us. In so many ways my everyday life is good, so when something untoward occurs, you'd think I would be able to take it in stride. Perhaps it's the fact that as I'm getting older, I keep expecting the axe to fall: how can I presume to continue indefinitely this way?
One of my blogging friends, Linda Letters, is going to have surgery on her back soon. The link will take you to her post entitled, "Decision Time." I have thought about what I would do in the same situation. She will have rods and screws inserted into her L-4 vertebra to fix the problem. I know that area well, since when I shattered my pelvis and lost the artery down my right leg back in 2000, the surgeon had to put some permanent pins in my back at L-5. When I was recovering, he told me that perhaps a third of patients have continuing pain, and he hoped he would not need to remove those pins because it might cause more nerve damage. I'm one of the fortunate two-thirds, with no pain from them. Everyone is different, and I hope all goes well for her. I'll be worrying about it until she recovers (of course).
This past week I took my car in to have the timing belt replaced. It's a Honda Civic, and I was overdue for having the work done. The mechanics who work on my car kept telling me it was past time, but I hesitated because of the cost. Then a friend of mine had his car's timing belt break, and it means much more money in the long run if that happens. I took it as a sign and scheduled the work. The engine must be pulled to replace the belt, and the mechanic worked all day long on my car, but now it drives just fine and I'm pleased. I put the expense on my credit card and will work to get it paid off over the next few months. I was told the belt was in bad shape; he pointed to a pile of some greasy metal, which I guess was the old belt.
Credit cards are nice if you use them wisely; I used to carry a balance on mine, but when I retired I paid it off, and now I enjoy seeing it at zero. It'll be awhile before I see that again, since I seem to have gotten into the holiday spirit and bought things for myself and Smart Guy. Once our TV died, a new one was a necessity (to me anyway), and I recently purchased a Kindle. I've enjoyed learning how to use it, and I'm currently reading a John Grisham book suggested by my sister Norma Jean. They sure do make it easy to buy stuff, don't they? I thought about the book, looked it up, and pushed one button to order it, and within a few seconds I was ready to start reading it.
It's already the middle of December, which amazes me when I think about it. All the leaves are gone from the trees; we encountered snow and ice last Thursday, remnants of the extreme cold we experienced for two long weeks. Now it's really nice outside, well above freezing, even if it's cloudy with occasional rain. It feels much more normal than the wan sunshine and freezing temperatures. And the winter solstice will occur at 9:11am PST on Saturday, before we meet again. These days the sun goes down just a little after 4:00pm up here in the Pacific Northwest, and these short days and long nights will soon begin their three-month journey towards spring. So here I am: going to Christmas parties, eating too much, hunkering down against the weather, and spending time in end-of-year activities. Maybe dusting off my meditation pillow is in order and seeing if I can worry a bit less, what do you think?
By the time we meet again, the days will be getting longer, by a few seconds at least. By the end of January, I will be making plans to visit my sister in Florida and looking forward to a change of scenery. Ah, palm trees! Sandals and shorts! But I'm getting ahead of myself. I've got six weeks before then, and I intend to find a way to live in the moment. Be well, dear friends, until we meet again.