I stepped from Plank to Plank
A slow and cautious way
The Stars about my Head I felt
About my feet the Sea.

I knew not but the next
Would be my final inch -
This gave me that precarious Gait
Some call Experience.

Emily Dickinson, c. 1864

Sunday, August 12, 2018

All you need is love

Stream crossing
Last Thursday I joined more than a dozen of my friends for a hike, something I love to do every week, although it's quite difficult for me in the heat. There was a song playing inside my head during the entire day: the Beatles song "All You Need Is Love."
There's nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy
All you need is love, all you need is love
All you need is love, love, love is all you need
 
John Lennon wrote this song for Britain's contribution to Our World, the first live global television link. Watched by over 400 million in 25 countries, the program was broadcast via satellite on 25 June 1967. I didn't realize, until I decided to learn more about this song, that it has such a complex and asymmetric time signature, according to Wikipedia's entry. I know it is still a universally loved song fifty years later, and I hear it on the radio as well as in elevator music, still to this day. But is it true?

Lately I have been feeling very out of place on these hot summer hikes, falling farther and farther behind the others as I struggle to keep going. With my legs all a-tremble and fighting back nausea, I considered whether it's in everyone's best interest for me to go along. There are easier hikes, and I wonder whether it's just my own ego that keeps me from going on them. I actually almost joined the other group last week, but they were going somewhere that would be just as hot and, as it turned out, they turned around after a couple hikers got sick in the same way I did, mostly from the intense heat and lack of shade. And I did accomplish the hike without any permanent injury to anything other than my self-esteem.

Next month, I will celebrate ten years of hiking with the Senior Trailblazers and hope that, one way or another, I'll be able to continue on for awhile longer. The coming week I will not join them, because it's a scheduled hard hike in the hot sun, with no shade at all. The other group is going somewhere I've already been this summer (and it is also a hot one), so I'm not at all sure what I'll end up doing on Thursday. It's a little disconcerting, but I really have to remember that ten years of wonderful trips into the wilderness is a gift I will always cherish and can never lose.

It's sort of like when I stopped skydiving. At one time, it was the center of my world, with my entire life shaped by the excursions to the Drop Zone on the weekends, and week-long trips during the year going to boogies (gatherings of jumpers from all over with specialty aircraft to jump out of). When I finally finished being an active skydiver after 25 years, it was because I knew that I had become the oldest person still active on the Drop Zone and that I was placing myself in danger to continue doing something I loved. It took a fairly long process over a couple of years for me to get to that realization. I seem to be in the middle of that same process concerning these difficult hikes. There are still plenty of places for me to go into the wilderness; I just have to take stock realistically of what I can and cannot do any more.

Learning to love myself and have compassion for the aging hippie inside me that never went away, never learned the lesson of moderation and tends to live in denial, well that seems to be my current assignment, doesn't it? Most of the time, I am happy and enjoy every single day, whether it's puttering in the garden, reading a good book, talking with my mate, or struggling up a hill. And, of course, I must always remember to be thankful for the wonderful life I've been given. Many of the family and friends who have mattered so much to me are already gone, and I'm still here. I've outlived both of my parents and my two sons, but it won't always be true: at some time I'll be joining them, too. Is it true that love is all I need?

Yes, I believe it is. When I think back on my life, the moments that stand out in high relief from the others are filled with memories of love. It's also true that although I suffered during the loss of my loved ones, that suffering is not what stands out when I think back: it's those priceless moments of happiness that I remember. They will never leave me, and I am blessed that I can recall myriad episodes when we laughed together until we cried.

My current assignment seems to be to find the next stage of my life, explore where the days will take me, and find myself surrounded by love everywhere I look. Waiting for me at the coffee shop are a couple of my good friends, and my partner sleeps beside me as I write. My pals in the world of the Internet are also present (that would be you, my friend) and give me great pleasure as I share my thoughts this morning.

I've managed to write another post, although this morning I had no idea what might emerge. Sometimes the magic works, and sometimes it doesn't. Today was one of those days when I felt the magic. I do hope the coming week will bring you some realization of the love that surrounds you. And I wish that same thing for myself. Be well until we meet again next week.

17 comments:

Rian said...

I do believe that too, DJan... all you need is love. It can be argued that literally (or perhaps 'physically' is more appropriate here) you need more to sustain life, but without love... would it be worth sustaining? And love is everywhere (IMO) - in family and friends, in things you like to do, in places that are special to you, in memories, etc. - and yes, even in blogging friends who virtually share a little of your life with you.

And I find that as we age we need more of this communication of mind and hearts. Don't misunderstand, we all need 'alone time' (some more than others), but solitude and fear can be the enemy for old age (again IMO).

I like your "My current assignment seems to be to find the next stage of my life, explore where the days will take me, and find myself surrounded by love everywhere I look."... good plan!

Trish MacGregor said...

Aging hippie: you redefine that term, DJan. And your heart is still full and adventurous, that's the important thing!

Linda Reeder said...

As I contemplate your post this morning, not sure where to go with my comment, my mind flashes on yesterday at the farmers market, and how many people smiled at me. I mentioned it to Tom and asked if I looked OK, not weird or anything? Then I realized how much I smile at others. That must be it. I caught myself making small talk with vendors. Something is happening to this introvert. Am I transitioning from a more physical, busy body and mind self to a slower being, taking more pleasure in small things? Is this how we cope with aging and physical limitations?
I don't know if it is love, but it is connectedness.

Anonymous said...

Nice to read about your active participation in events. Never mind the age keep going. Love is needed for all in their life which helps them in many ways:)

Marie Smith said...

Your spirit is youthful Jan, which is so important.

Elephant's Child said...

Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.
I am so glad that you have (however reluctantly) decided that hot treks are not a good idea for you.
And look forward to following on the next stages of your journey.

Tabor said...

Please be careful about the heat! Do not ignore your nausea. That is your body telling you that you are getting over-heated. It has nothing to do with stamina or strength. I would avoid long outdoor hikes for a short time.

Gigi said...

I second Tabor - it's not your stamina or ability. In cooler temperatures you might find that you still have it in you for the longer hikes.

Have a great week, my friend!!

Far Side of Fifty said...

perhaps a swim in the pool would be a better activity for a hot day or a shorter hike with some of those others that got sick last week. I will give you my 2 cents...you need to hydrate more and do you have one of those cold bands with the gel to wear around your neck? I should have had mine on today as I mowed for about 2 hours in the heat. If you had leg cramps and nausea that is heat exhaustion. Maybe the hike can take place early in the morning and be done by the hottest part of the day. :)

The Furry Gnome said...

Well this post really spoke to me. I've had to make the transition really quickly, but our travel plans are now gone, as is my local exploring, things that I've loved for decades. Stepping into the gap will be more time with friends and relatives. I can feel the love already! And of course it has been the love of my family that got me through this.

Wisewebwoman said...

Just found you!

Coming to terms with my new to me limitations has been a challenge. I still have trouble letting go of my marathon/road-racing medals. Reinvention is called for. I am working on it too.

Love your blog!

XO
WWW

Red said...

I'm in the same pickle as you . I have a couple of activities that I know are coming to an end...cycling and skating. Reasons for each one are different. For cycling it's safety. for skating it's ability.

Arkansas Patti said...

It is not a pleasant realization that age is taking some of our pleasures from us. However, I think you can blame this wicked heat more than age or maybe a combination of the two. You have so many interests Djan that if you let one slide, you have many others to keep you interested and active--gardening for one. Maybe find a like group that can take less grueling hikes and renaming them walks. I know you will find a way to continue to challenge yourself. You did after skydiving. It is your nature.

Rita said...

The last thing you need is a heat stroke partway up a mountain. Your body is talking to you and I am glad you are listening. I have never worried that you won't have things to do. There are the walking groups, easier hikes, yoga, swimming, the gym, and I'm sure you could think of more than that. It's the transitioning that is hard.

I remember watching that special on TV and getting goose bumps hearing that song!! I totally believe it. Of course, I may be housebound and my body transitioning from activity decades earlier than I expected...but I am also an old hippie. My life has been full. I chose love even when it may have seemed foolish but I do not regret the sincere love I felt. I packed a lot of joy and sorrow into my years. Being sidelined has taught me intensive spiritual lessons I could never have learned otherwise. Life is good! You will be just fine if you do not climb the hard trails. Something new is probably right around the corner. ;)

Linda Myers said...

One of my hopes is that I will age with grace. Each transition takes a little time, but when I am past it I have a modicum of grace around it.

You're a good model for me. Thanks for your reflective Sunday posts.

Rhapsody Phoenix said...

Blessings......
Aging.....you do it will even with your challenges. Its all we can hope for - some grace and steady health.

Dee said...

Dear DJan, in an earlier posting of yours that I read today, you gave us a link to two articles, one of which talked about "spiritual elders." You wondered if you'd become one. I tell you now, I think you are one. As I'm reading these postings that I missed by taking several weeks off, I'm seeing the theme of your coming to grips with the realization that heat and long hikes are being difficult for you in several ways. And you are more and more coming to the realization that you need to let go and embrace the next segment of your life--easier hikes/walks in less heat + more compassion for yourself, more gentleness toward yourself, more appreciation of the wonder of yourself at 75. Peace.