Sibling soulmates

Norma Jean and me

Long, long ago, I did just about everything during my childhood with my sister, Norma Jean, who was born less than three years after me. We were the beginning of a much bigger family, which ultimately culminated in the birth of seven children over a twenty-year period. The last child was born almost sixty years ago, and we have not all survived to this date, but most of us have, and most of us have many wonderful memories of our childhood. I didn't know how blessed I was to have such a happy early life. These days, I know all too well how rare those halcyon years were.

We have both endured our share of pain and loss over the decades, but we have never lost our connection with one another. Even after many years of separation because of circumstances, deaths, marriages and divorces, the connection with my sister has endured and strengthened. After her husband died in February 2011, I began making a pilgrimage across the country, from my home in the Pacific Northwest, to hers in Florida, to spend time with her. That first year I spent three weeks there, and afterwards it became just over a week. But I went every year until last year, when travel became dangerous because of the coronavirus pandemic. Soon it will mark two years since I spent part of my winter months in Florida. And there is no way for me to know when, if ever, things will return to their pre-pandemic state.

Once a month, every fourth Wednesday, I have a standing date to spend time with Norma Jean on FaceTime. I am always a little anxious just before I make the call, not knowing if she remembered, but she is there, waiting for me. It is interesting how much can change in a month; we are both older and showing our age in big and little ways, like me forgetting family birthdays or anniversaries. After all, those little girls are now septuagenarians. 

However, we still share so much with one another and somehow a couple of hours on the monthly call flies by, having again connected with each other and gotten caught up with the latest episodes in our daily lives. These days, not much is happening in either of our lives, because of our efforts to stay safe and distanced from others to keep from catching the virus. Just yesterday the first vaccine was approved for use in the US, and I think by this time next year we should be back to whatever "normal" will look like. I don't think we will return to the world as it was before.

I am just glad that the little sister who has journeyed through life with me is still healthy and living a relatively happy life. She still swims most days in an outdoor pool, getting in her daily mile, and we both enjoy comparing our activity level with one another. Although I have other siblings, none of them are what I would call close confidants, as the two of us are. I guess it's partly a matter of birth order, but for whatever reason, I cannot imagine a world without my sister Norma Jean in it. She truly is my soulmate, and I cherish her and feel her presence in my life, even when I haven't seen or talked with her for awhile. This monthly visit is pretty darn perfect, and I count on her being there.

Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported. —Unknown

There are also sisters of the heart, ones you choose and enjoy being with, even though you aren't related by blood. But I've found that those sisters come and go, as we move on through life. I've got plenty of close friends here in Bellingham, but right now I cannot actually sit with them and have a glass of wine together. Or hang out in the coffee shop, or do much of anything together. When this is over, some of them will emerge as friends once again, but in between now and then, I feel a loss of connection and without the constant virtual presence in my life of Norma Jean and the solid presence of my dear life partner, SG, I think I would be having a much harder time, going through this isolation. It's not easy being an extroverted person in lockdown.

But! The universe has provided me with a new and very useful tool during this time: the internet, the blogosphere that gives me such a different and meaningful way to connect with others. I have now been blogging for more than a decade, and I think of many of my virtual friends as being as essential to my mental health as any other person. As I sit here writing in the dark, listening to my partner's breathing as he sleeps, I can feel your presence through the ether. Those of you who tell me every week how much this connection means to you, as it does to me. I picture many of you in my mind's eye, and I think of you as I write. These words sometimes don't make much sense, but it has become a sacred duty that I spend some time trying, anyway, to reach across the miles and hold you in my heart.

And with that last paragraph, I realize that I can now begin the rest of my Sunday. I have come to my virtual church and spent some time listening in the dark to whatever the universe is trying to tell me. What miracle has given me the chance to do this every Sunday, to finish up and hit "publish," and reach all of you so easily? Whatever it is, I am grateful. More than just a little bit, and just now I realize how important this all is to my continued sanity during these trying times.

Until we meet again next week, I wish you all good things, and I hope you will find many connections in your own life. Be well, dear friends.