Bringing the past into the present

Me and my son Chris in the sixties

 I have pondered all week what I might write about today, since I started the new year with the word, "Uncovering." Just the mere intention of uncovering what has kept me from looking at uncomfortable memories has stirred up the depths, things I haven't thought about for many years, even decades. And this happened during a very momentous week in our nation's history, which I'll try to deal with later in this post. It's impossible not to have been moved by the images of the Capitol being breached by huge mobs intent on destruction.

That picture was taken by my husband at the time, Don. He had an SLR camera and took many wonderful pictures during the five years we were married. I left my first husband, Derald, the father of Chris, in the aftermath of our infant son Stephen's sudden death of spinal meningitis in 1965. This could have been taken only a few years after that awful time. I realize that therein lies the beginning of my journey to attempt to bury, not only my grief, but also the pain that I carried every day about the life I left behind. It will require quite a bit of digging to get to the bottom of my renunciation. And it might take some time, but now I have begun the journey to wholeness. It is a good way to begin the new year.

I have no actual memory of that picture being taken, but I know we lived in Flint, Michigan, and it was wintertime. We lived in the country, and I suspect we drove to some nearby woods. We must have heard a bird in the tree above us, and as we looked up, Don captured this picture, for which I am very grateful. The three people in this portrait don't exist anymore; I am now an old woman, Chris has been dead since 2002, and Don died a few years ago. In fact, I realize that many friends and family have passed away, and in the present moment I must cherish those who remain. Especially my dear life partner, who sleeps next to me as I write. He's grown accustomed to the sound of the keyboard, and it doesn't seem to bother him a bit to have me busy rummaging around in old memories.

SG is one of the best things that came out of my skydiving years. I met him on a newsgroup of the time (early 1990s) dedicated to skydiving. Those were the days before websites and the current internet. He posted often about his past adventures, and they fascinated me, a newbie to the sport who could not stop thinking about it every moment of every day. We began an email correspondence, which evolved into phone calls. In those days he lived in San Francisco and I in Boulder, and we had to pay long-distance rates to talk with one another, but we fell in love that way. No actual bodies involved, just our mutual passion and our voices. He had made thousands of jumps, and I had a few hundred. Eventually, inevitably, we met in person and he ended up quitting his job and moving to Boulder. We had some hard times during those early days, but it got better, and now we've been happily married for more than a quarter century. I am so grateful to have found him. We are now old retired people, scraping by on Social Security and annuities. But we have each other, which makes us wealthy in love.

I was talking on FaceTime with my sister Norma Jean and my nephew Peter last Wednesday, when they both looked up at their television screen (sound was off) when the Capitol was breached. It seemed incredible to all three of us that what we were seeing was people breaking down the doors and windows and streaming into those hallowed halls, bent on stopping the counting of the electoral college votes. It's only been four days since all that happened, and pretty much nothing else is on the air but videos and pictures of the mayhem. Was it an attempt at an insurrection? The word is defined as "a violent uprising against an authority or government." I guess it was, then.

I was horrified by the people looking to execute Mike Pence, Nancy Pelosi, and others. There was even a makeshift gallows with a noose visible in the crowd. People interviewed during the melee scared me with their intent, not only to destroy property, but also to kill lawmakers. These images and videos have gone around the entire world. I fear that the violence is not over but will increase as like-minded people are emboldened to take it to the next level. It terrifies me.

And this was after two new senators were elected on Tuesday, the first black senator from the South, along with the first Jewish senator from Georgia. I was happy to see that, because it meant the the new administration will not be blocked from bringing legislation to the Senate floor, which would definitely have happened if Mitch McConnell had remained majority leader. Biden has pledged that he will give the American people more money to make it through the pandemic, and he has also pledged to get it under control. I hope he will be able to make good on those promises. The pandemic is now raging out of control through much of the country, and hospitals in many places are forced to triage care, since there are not enough hospital beds or healthcare workers to cope with everyone. And it is getting worse.

We are under strict pandemic lockdown restrictions here in Washington state, but our numbers are nothing compared to California's or Arizona's. When I go out, everyone I see is wearing a mask and we are not able to attend indoor gatherings, not that I wish to. No more indoor dining or gyms, until we are past this time. More than 4,000 Americans have died from the virus just today, and more are to come. I look forward to the day when I will be able to get the vaccine.

It doesn't seem possible that we will be getting back to a normal life any time soon. And when we do, it won't be the one that we had before. It will be different, but I believe it could be even better. I hope many of us will do our part to make that dream a reality. And with whatever will be happening in this country, I know we will do our best.

The greatness of America lies not in being more enlightened than any other nation, but rather in her ability to repair her faults. —Alexis de Tocqueville

And with that thought, I leave you for another week. Sunday mornings for me always begin with this task, the one I am finishing right now, writing a post from the depths of my mental wranglings. As I've said before, sometimes the magic works, and sometimes it doesn't. It will take a few more readings of this one before I figure out where it lies.  In any event, I am tremendously grateful for my ability to reach across the miles to you, my dear reader, for yet another week. It's time for me to move into the next phase of my day. Hopefully it will be a good one for me, and for all of you, my sweet virtual friends. Until we meet again next week, I wish you all good things. Be well.