Being mortal

Peering into its purple depths

I love walking around the neighborhood and taking pictures of things like this beautiful poppy. It's also good to have the picture to enjoy since the flowers only last for a few days. Summertime is filled with so much beauty and I appreciate the ability I have with my camera phone to snap pictures and have them for as long as I might want to enjoy them. With my eyesight going wonky, I can still see these guys and will continue to act as though I will be able to continue on like this for a good long time to come.

But who knows, really, how long it might be? My right eye can still see everything except the central portion, and I think I might be able to learn to read a little with my peripheral vision. And I still have my left eye's central vision, but there is a section of missing vision just to the left of it, and I hope it doesn't slide over any further. I get my next eye jab in just over three weeks. I have not noticed any change in my perception since I received the first ones. Since they are only supposed to slow the progression, not fix the problem, I am grateful for any possible visual stabilization.

I didn't go on last Thursday's hike to Sauk Mountain with the Trailblazers, since I've been there many times before and realize that the steep switchbacks, slippery with soft dirt, are hard to get down without falling, even using trekking poles. So I reluctantly skipped it. Ten people went and had a great time, but I'm realizing that I am no longer able to be safe in all those circumstances, with my failing eyesight. 

This is my new reality. Hopefully I'll be able to continue on most hikes, but I'm no longer physically able to do what was easy a decade ago. I'm mortal, as we all are, and I must take into consideration that I might put not only myself, but my friends as well, into compromising situations if I don't pay attention and take care.

It's also hard to ignore the fact that our President is weighing whether or not he should run for a second term, being that he is already oldest person to have been in the office. I saw that awful debate, but he's shown that with enough ability to rest and recuperate, he can continue to hold up. I am worried; Joe and I are in the same boat, a week apart in age. I cannot fathom how he might fare for the next four years, but his adversary is only a few years younger and in the same situation, really. How did this ever come about? With all the young talent in both political parties, I am flummoxed and hope that something good might come out of this fraught situation.

The only person I can actually take care of is myself, along with my dear partner, who is also mortal and prone to physical infirmities. Not one of us is guaranteed even one more day of life, and we need to learn to roll with the punches, so to speak. And last night there was an assassination attempt on Trump at a rally. The bullet just grazed his ear (or maybe it was glass from a shattered teleprompter) but he was defiant and pumped his fist as they carried him away. This should invigorate his campaign and give him lots of sympathy. 

The shooter and a rally attendee are both dead. I saw a picture of a bullet whizzing by Trump's head, taken by a journalist who was just feet away from Trump. It brought back years ago when I saw the killings of so many of our leaders, from JFK, to his brother Bobby, to Martin Luther King. I was around during them all, and I was just as shocked and grieved by those assassinations as was the entire world. Sixty years have brought only more guns, more divisions, and more fear and hatred into my once beautiful country. It is the same everywhere across the world.

Mt Baker from Skyline Divide

Whenever I get really down about it all, I remember that there is still respite in the beauty of nature. It has its seasons, just like the rest of life, but during the summer months I am able to hike into such places and remember that I am just a small part of the enormity that makes up our world. Although I will probably not join the Thursday hikers next week, since they are going on one of the harder hikes in the wilderness, I will find some way to enjoy our incredible mountains, even if it's not the ones that were once so easy for me. Nope, this mortal being will find a way to stay within the boundaries that surface for the octogenarian that I have become.

I don't want to sound like a Hallmark card, but to be able to wake up each day with food and shelter, that alone is good. Forget aging and the fact that my butt is becoming a little more familiar with my knees than my tailbone. If you are six feet above ground it's a good day. So, give me more! —Faith Hill

It's a good quote, even if Faith is only in her fifties. She has the right attitude, and that is worth a great deal. It would be nice to see how she might fare as an octogenarian, but I won't be around to find out. Some time in the next decade or so I will be happy to lie down on my comfortable bed, surrounded by loved ones, and breathe my last. It's what happens to all of us eventually, and it shouldn't be resisted, in my mind at least. Just go with the flow, right?

Cultivating an "attitude of gratitude" is what I am focusing on right now, today, tomorrow, and in the coming days, weeks, and years. This past week I received an acupuncture treatment and a wonderful massage. I am doing incredibly well but realize that it's all temporary, and finding myself grateful for that realization, too. It makes every moment a precious one, worth paying attention to and giving thanks from the bottom of my heart.

My dear sweet partner still sleeps next to me and John will arrive shortly to take me out for our Sunday breakfast. I'll come home and go out for a lovely walk in the cool of the morning and then retreat into the comfort of my home and spend some time holding the hand of my beloved. Until we meet again, dear friends, I wish you all good things. Be well.