Loved ones gone too soon

Me and Emily on Graduation Day

It's been more than two decades since Emily died attempting a risky landing at Mile-Hi Skydiving Center in Colorado. She was such a gifted person in every way, and after I moved away and came to Washington State, we still had frequent phone calls and never really lost touch with one another. However, once I was gone, she began hanging out with people who I think pushed her too quickly to downsize her canopy and take risks I would never have thought she would. But one day in December 2010, I received a call from a mutual friend that Emily was in the hospital and not expected to survive. She had a very very bad landing after performing a "hook turn" and had extensive head and neck trauma and two broken femurs. She did not survive.

I was devastated, and although it was almost Christmas, I flew to Colorado and stayed with a dear friend who was also close to Emily. I wrote about the experience here, and reading about it once again brought back the memories of how it was to be there under those circumstances. And now, more than two decades of being in Bellingham, I realize that we all have memories that will never leave us. 

Last night I dreamed almost the whole night about skydiving friends, and Emily was there, among others, and it was such a delightful reunion, feeling just as real as sitting here writing this post. I often dream in color, and last night I was inundated with lots of purple and magenta (which I associate with Emily, for some reason). I made my last actual skydive more than a decade ago, but it was such a significant part of my life that it will always come back to visit me again and again. I can recall the sound of her voice, and it seems possible that she might just call me again some days. I would know her voice instantly. I remember once when she called me to ask about what it was like to get older. She was in her late thirties when she died, but she wondered how she would cope with the loss of beauty and her amazing abilities. She never got old enough to find out, and it reminds me that none of us know what the future holds, but here I am well into my eighties and I also wonder the same thing, as I begin to lose faculties I have always taken for granted, like sight. The others feel almost insignificant in relation to that crucial ability.

I can still feel the loss of many of my dearest friends and family, but they are never really gone, as long as my mental synapses continue to fire. It is what life teaches us if we live long enough. We are all in this together.

We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence. —Joseph Roux

I am no stranger to the loss of family and friends. You just deal with it, everybody has to find a way through grief, the opposite side of joy and happiness. They go together, always have and always will. When I think of the 8 billion people alive today, on this June morning, each of us will one day die, and in the interim we will say goodbye to one another in myriad ways. It's part of being alive.

Estimates suggest that approximately 108 to 110 billion humans have died since the dawn of humanity. This number doesn't include the roughly 8 billion people alive today. The total number of humans who have ever lived is estimated to be around 117 billion. 

When I went to Google to find out this information, I learned it was something compiled by AI, with no references supplied. It also told me that this estimate represents 94% of all humanity. The first humans had to learn how to live and how to die, without anybody giving them any clues about how to endure the pain of loss, and how to die gracefully. There have been a few guideposts, landmark people in history, who still inspire us today: such as Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and of course religious icons such as Jesus and Buddha. I have read many books by inspirational people, and many of the lessons I have learned over the years have become part of my own life's journey. I think this is true of many of us, as we navigate our individual ways, and each one of us seems unique in our approach to deal with the vicissitudes of life.

 Although I have lost much during my lifetime, I have also experienced and gained much as well. When I think of the decades of life I've already lived through, I could concentrate on any particular aspect and find both joy and sorrow in abundance, and that gives me so much pleasure to contemplate. I am blessed to have lived through a period of immense change, giving me a perspective on today that many younger people do not have. And I have gained a family comprised of digital connections that is new and exciting, don't you think? You are reading my thoughts that are created and written down just this moment. I have read the news of the day, from all over the world, almost instantaneously. It's a colossal world, filled with amazing creations that I am privy to. I am astounded when I think of it, and now I can press the "publish" button and be connected with thousands, perhaps millions of souls, just like that!

My sweet partner still sleeps next to me, quietly breathing in and out, and I realize it's time to get ready for the rest of my day. Holidays are behind us, so I can join John at our favorite Sunday morning breakfast spot. I am looking forward to the rest of this unique, perfect, joyous day. Until we meet again, dear friends, I wish you all good things. Be well.