Playing along with the Universe

Steve and me at the Bellingham street fair

Yesterday, Steve and I met at the coffee shop, as usual for a Saturday, and went for a nice leisurely walk in town. I'm not sure exactly what this fair is called, but most of the booths had used items for sale, and I almost bought myself a $20 shirt. I thought at first it was a jacket, but it had no pockets and was covered with delightful sparkly things and fit perfectly. Unfortunately for them, they also had a full-length mirror, and I could see it was not quite a "me" item. We had a good time walking around and examining all the wares, but neither of us bought anything after all.

In the background of the shot, you can see the Mt. Baker Theater sticking up, showing exactly where we are in town. It looks almost like a launchpad, but it's not as distant as it seems from the picture. We walked around town and walked to the Farmers' Market, which wasn't open yet, so we didn't get our usual treats there, either.

Nevertheless, it was a very busy week. I am so grateful to Steve for his weekly Saturday walk with me. Today we walked around the downtown neighborhood, not taking our usual trek to Fairhaven or to the harbor. We are so lucky to have such a wonderful cool atmosphere, with the temperature in the mid-sixties, while much of the country is sweltering in hot and humid weather. Still we have August and September to get  through, with the most heat in this area starting about now (but it's delightful) and ending sometime in mid- to late September. 

If you read my other blog, Eye on the Edge, you know that I am now finished with my hikes with the Trailblazers, because of my failing eyesight and my inability to leave my fellow hikers to their own devices, while I struggle to find my footing. Some of you have felt it wasn't necessary, but I myself know that I would never have left on my own, without a bit of a push from the organizers. It doesn't mean I won't continue to hike alone or with one or two others, but no on has to worry about being responsible for me any more. And I have already lined up a couple of friends who are looking forward to my joining them on their weekly walks. So that is taking care of itself.

I also got the results back from my last week's biopsy of a growth on my neck. That wasn't as good news: the growth that they removed is showing up as a squamous cell carcinoma, right on the left side of my neck. I of course looked it up and found that I will be needing to go through a more extensive excision of the lesion. Oh, great! I haven't heard from the doctor yet, but I will be happy when that cancerous growth is completely gone. At least it isn't melanoma, which I have in my family history. But as I said, I will be very glad when this particularly tough time in my life is behind me. It's one thing to look forward to, having this done and gone. Hopefully it has not spread from the original spot.

I did sign up for more volunteer work in the Senior Center kitchen. On Friday I joined the crew to administer salad dressing to those who showed up for the great salad that was offered for lunch. I had dozens of different varieties for them to choose from, and I noticed that the most popular are thousand island and ranch. Most people ask for an enormous amount of dressing, surprising me. My arms got very tired from squeezing dressing onto the salads from big plastic containers for two hours, but I wasn't needing to manage alone; there were three of us at different times. I learned that Fridays are usually salad days, and good looking ones, too: these had great plates full of shrimp and hard boiled eggs, along with lots of greens. 

I am not sure if John is going to come to take me to breakfast. He was missing all week, downed by some kind of stomach flu. He didn't come last week on Sunday, and then missed the entire week at the coffee shop, except for one day in the middle of the week. I think he came mostly so I wouldn't worry too much, I guess. He has had no appetite and feeling very tired. He didn't call me or let me know yet, but I hope that he is better and we will have our usual Fairhaven excursion. 

Yes, it is not an easy time right now, for any of us here on Planet Earth. I took a quick look at the news this morning and promptly stopped, since I can't face the disasters with equanimity when I am not feeling any better myself. Looking for the bright and happy moments is a struggle, but I am trying very hard to keep my spirits up. I had a good night's sleep with a full eight hours, a half-hour of deep restorative sleep, so I can't complain as I look forward to another sunny (but cool) day ahead. The high is projected to be 72F, just about right, don't you think?

Our beautiful Bellingham Bay

Just writing this post has given me a new perspective, and as I look at where I live, I cannot be too sad about the day ahead. I will definitely try to get a good walk in, and I will listen to some uplifting songs and keep on looking ahead to better days, which will return, I am convinced. 

Until we meet again next week, dear friends, I wish you all good things. Be well.

Cool weather, once again

Mostly pansies

Yesterday, Steve and I walked around the waterfront, a truncated walk since he needed to attend the monthly Saturday breakfast with recently retired faculty at his institution. He's still working full-time, but he's at the age when retirement is not so far away. During the summer, I only see him once a week, since he's got a class that starts early on Thursday, so the Saturday walk is all he's able to fit in at this time of the year. It was actually quite a glorious walk, with the weather cloudy and cool, not even reaching the mid-sixties and requiring a jacket. I snagged the above picture from a pretty flowerbed, with several others nearby that had not been watered and looking very tattered. I found this one very pretty and inviting.

I really cherish these walks with Steve, and I am glad he is able to find time to walk with me, since these days I am really struggling to keep my positive viewpoint uppermost. The news of the world, globally, really seems rather depressing and not very uplifting. Going for a walk along the boulevard to Fairhaven, or a walk to the harbor like we did yesterday, never fails to lift my spirits.

When we returned to our starting place, Steve drove away to his breakfast buddies, and I went off to the food co-op for some needed supplies. Although I rarely drive anywhere these days, I keep my time behind the wheel to a minimum, given my limited eyesight. I think I am fairly safe, though, since I am extremely careful to pay attention to my surroundings and don't deviate from my usual short, familiar drives. My eyesight feels pretty normal to me these days, since it's been more than a year since I've noticed any significant change, and I've learned that your brain tends to normalize what you see when that happens.

This weekend I found another task that is no longer available to me: sewing buttons on items when they fall off. I have a vest that is missing two buttons, and I tried to thread a needle without success and got My Guy to do it for me. But then I found that I couldn't actually sew them on, since it's hard for me to see where the needle is supposed to go. If I really tried, I could probably get the task done, but it was discouraging to find out how my sewing days have gone, along with the days when I could knit and crochet. I can do them, but if I drop a stitch, I cannot find it again and finally gave up on trying. It's a small thing, and if I really got determined, I could find a way. I think so, anyway. It's hard to describe to someone what it's like to have good vision everywhere except right in the center of a scene, where you have to focus. And it's only one eye that is missing that central vision. If I back off from trying to see something up close, I can see it perfectly, using my peripheral vision.

I still have to get some more information before I can make an appointment with the office in Vancouver that offers the MacuMira treatment. Right now I am hesitating because of the expense, and the fact that I must get some information from my retina specialist. I know I am dragging my feet, but it's partly because I am reluctant to pay all that money (thousands) for a treatment that might or might not help. It is just like the eye jabs: it can slow the progression but nothing actually fixes my eyes. I just need to face the fact that low vision is all I'm gonna have from now on. I'm lucky that these days it's possible to do most of what I want to do with audible help (other than sewing on buttons). And right now I am sitting in the dark in bed, with my laptop illuminated and giving me the ability to compose and publish my thoughts without much difficulty.

My friend John called last night to beg off going to breakfast this morning, since he's not feeling well and wants to skip it. I am a little disappointed, because I like his company and our usual habit, but I'm glad he felt okay in calling to cancel. I'll see him at the coffee shop once he's better, and I'm pretty sure next week we'll be back to our usual routine. At least I hope so; this getting older business means nothing is ever certain to continue as it always has in the past. I'm determined to keep going with the routines in my daily life, even if I do need to change things up now and then.

Do you know anyone who is taking those GLP-1 drugs to lose weight? I just found out on Facebook that my brother is taking Ozempic and has had great success with it. Of course, everyone in Hollywood must be on them (those who struggle with weight, that is), because many celebrity types are looking so much, well, less fat. I'm thinking of Oprah, for one, who has always struggled with her weight and now looks to be normal sized. I hope she is happy with her looks. Does someone need to keep taking the drugs to keep the weight off? I wonder how it works, but I don't need to take them so my interest is purely academic. Anyway, it's another interesting turn in the news these days. 

Finding ways to stay on top of the news without getting bogged down in sadness is taking up a fair bit of my time. If I allow myself to read any long articles (which I can still do with low vision settings and my trusty magnifying glass), I must watch out for those that really distress me. It's not easy to find uplifting reading material, unless I go for the obvious places, like to comedians and whatnot. How about you? How do you keep yourself feeling positive? I am always looking for new ways, and I'll bet some of my virtual family has figured it out.

Well, this might seem to be a rather lame excuse for a post, but hey, this is what's percolating in my brain right now. I don't have to get up anytime soon, since I have now got no plans for the day ahead. I'll find something uplifting I'm sure, like going for a walk in the coolness. Or reading your blogs and finding out what is going on in your lives. So, dear friends, until we meet here again next week, I wish you all good things and plenty of happiness. Be well.

Citizen Lily and my eyes

Me with my IPA and Lily with her Pilsner

My dear friend Lily is now an American citizen, after having taken the exam for citizenship and paid the expensive fee. She said the test was much easier than she was expecting, passed it with flying colors, and will now get a passport and Enhanced Driver's License in order to travel between the US and her home country of Guatemala. I don't know if she is any more excited about it than I am. She is such a wonderful asset to anyplace she goes. And I am so lucky to have her as a friend. She is now as American as apple pie!

But it means that I can breathe a sign of relief when those ICE agents come a-calling here in Bellingham. Although she has been a model of propriety, it seems (from what I have heard and read), the government is trying to snag as many people as they can to drive up the immigration numbers. But for now, she is doing just fine and is busy working in her long-term job. I took her out to celebrate, with an early dinner and a celebratory beer. She has been a cherished friend for more than a decade. 

On another completely different subject, I am going to try a new treatment for the geographic atrophy in my eyes. My sister who lives in Florida told me about the treatment, called MacuMira, that is only available in Canada. The treatment consists of having a microcurrent of electricity delivered into my closed eyelids for 32 minutes, four times over a period of ten days. It purports to improve the vision of everybody who goes through it, but it is not a cure, only a way to get back some of my visual acuity. It isn't cheap, and only available to get in Canada. Fortunately, I live only about thirty minutes from the Canadian border, and I was able to find a provider in White Rock. The only problem I will have is finding a way to get there. Right now I am researching ways to accomplish this. 

I have stopped the eye jab injections I received for the past year, since they are also very expensive and invasive. After having gone through close to a dozen injections, I've grown increasingly hesitant to have them any more. They also don't cure the eye disease, but slow down the progression. So there is no way to tell if they have done any good. I do have to get some information from the retina specialist, and I will do that as soon as I get an appointment with the clinic in Canada. I don't ever want to have another needle stuck in my eye, and this new treatment sounds quite painless. To have an eye zap rather than a needle stick sounds like a progression of sorts, don't you think?

In any event, I'll document the treatment of my own journey to keep my eyes from deteriorating any further. The one thing I have learned already is that the central vision in my left eye has not gotten worse, it's still 20/20, so I can continue to drive and read (using low vision settings), so it could be that I can keep what I already have and might even improve what I can currently see. After researching it thoroughly, I am more than willing to try it.

There is no doubt that getting older and losing one's capacities is daunting, but what else can I do but keep on going, hoping I will find some ways to maintain for as long as possible what I have? Failing that, finding ways to cope with what is going on keep me feeling positive, even through hard times. It's not an easy time in the history of the world, and the trends of my country's politics is sometimes hard to take. But I am still enjoying, and finding happiness in everyday tasks. My life is puttering along and good things abound, when I look for them. You know that the wonderful virtual friends (that means you) I have found and maintain through our blogs is essential to my wellbeing.

With that, I will call the post "done" and think about the rest of my day ahead. John will be here in about an hour, and before he gets here, I've got my exercises and meditation to accomplish. So, without further ado, I'll wish all of us the very best week ahead. Until we meet again next week, I will sign off and look forward to enjoying your comments. Be well, dear friends.

Crocosmia, crows, and cancer

Crocosmia Lucifer at the harbor

I love crocosmia and am always thrilled to see it emerge in midsummer, looking as beautiful as I remembered it from previous years. The one species with which I am most familiar is the one entitled "Lucifer," for obvious reasons. It's redder than red and very prolific. Hummingbirds love it, and it consistently blooms from midsummer until late in the fall. We are so fortunate to have many varieties of flowers to enjoy here, but for some reason I tend to forget this plant until it returns in all its glory.

I have to admit that my memory is beginning to fail now and then. I did look at this pretty plant and tried to recall its name, but it just wouldn't come, until I finally looked it up and suddenly I remembered it as though it was right there all along. Memory is very curious, isn't it? 

Which reminds me of another one of those memories that I don't remember forgetting, until I once again recall it. I was noticing some crows around here in the past few weeks demonstrating a behavior that I had forgotten about, until I saw it again: crows that look exactly like their parents, same size and shape, but who are obviously babies, because they follow around their mothers and cry for food, when they can most likely already forage for themselves. Mama looks and acts distressed by the young one, until she finally gives up and feeds the "baby." I have learned to distinguish the young ones by their amusing antics as they also learn to fly. They flap their wings as if they aren't convinced this is gonna work, until they finally take off and wander around the sky, before any need for graceful flying is needed. Sometimes they get perilously close to traffic, but since I don't see any corpses lying around, I guess mostly they learn soon enough to avoid catastrophe. They are endlessly satisfying to observe.

Well, that covers crocosmia and crows, and now the part I really am sad about is the cancer part of my headline title. As some of you might remember, my dear partner has a form of lymphoma, one that affects his blood. He started taking a disastrously expensive cancer drug a few months ago, but his doctor was able to find some provider who would pay for the drugs while he takes it, four pills a day for as long as the drug helps. He has been very fortunate to have only a few minor complications, and as long as we don't have to cough up the cost, he will continue to take it. So far, the blood work shows it is making a positive difference, so we are happy about that.

Just in the past few weeks, I have found that two of my favorite virtual family members are newly diagnosed with cancer, and at least one of them is getting the same treatment as my guy: someone else pays for the sky-high treatment and he takes the drug. I hope he does as well wit it as my guy . The other person has just learned that she has cancer and will undergo a radical hysterectomy next week, with nobody knowing how many other organs might be involved. She will let us know, those of us who love her and hope for the best, as soon as she herself knows.

My family doesn't seem to succumb as much from cancer as other families do, but who knows? Something comes for us all eventually, and now that I am firmly ensconced in my eighties, I sometimes wonder what is in my future to deal with. I'll know sooner or later, right? Heart disease seems to be much more common with my relatives, having already taken both parents, one sister, and my son.

As we age, we find our own ways to adapt to change. And of course, that is the one thing we can depend on: change is part of life, and as much as I'd like to stay in the stable and comfortable life I have now, that is not how it works. 

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. —Alan Watts

I will continue to learn to move with change and find the upside of whatever I am facing. Right now, as I sit here in the dark with my dear partner next to me, lightly breathing, I am more than grateful for this moment and everything that I have. Tomorrow will be different, but today is just about perfect. The weather is mild and sunny, my friend John will come to take me to breakfast in an hour, and I will happily look forward to the days and weeks ahead. I love my virtual family, too, and will spend some time contemplating their situations. I am grateful for everyone who writes a blog and gives me a peek into their lives. Until we meet again next week, hopefully, I wish you all good things. Be well, dear friends.