Thoughts about existence

First cherry blossom last Friday

I've been stuck in a new book, which I finished yesterday: A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki. I read it after having finished her latest novel about form and emptiness, which I wouldn't recommend for just any reader, as it's really long and rather confusing. I put it down a couple of times, but I kept returning to it. Then I remembered back a year or so ago when I bought a copy of the Time Being book, but I don't think I actually read it, because reading it now was a revelation, and nothing was familiar about the story. Of course, I'm also different now, having been through two years of social isolation from the pandemic, and I've also been sitting for twenty minutes in meditation every day for five months. It's made a huge difference in my ability to deal with the news of the day. 

And I have been fascinated lately by the entire concept of quantum mechanics. Ozeki uses it as a plot device, which amazed me and when I realized that much of what Buddhism seems to be about is reflected in much of the idea of what reality is. Although I don't know much about either subject, their interrelationship is unmistakable as I learn more. The concept of time passing has been fascinating lately, because I'm beginning to think that my idea of time might be a fallacy, a misunderstanding of what life is all about. Are we really born as tiny infants and move through different stages of life until we come to the end, and that's all there is?

In the future, maybe quantum mechanics will teach us something equally chilling about exactly how we exist from moment to moment of what we like to think of as time. —Richard K. Morgan

 In case you aren't aware of the contradictions that quantum mechanics opens up, it's possible I can give you a quick and dirty idea here: first of all, a quantum is most often used in physics as a measure of the smallest amount of something, usually energy, that something can possess. Quantum physics (or mechanics) predicts very strange things about how matter works that are completely at odds with how things seem to work in the real world. Quantum particles can behave like particles, located in a single place; or they can act like waves, distributed all over space or in several places at once. And it seems to depend on whether there's an observer, or consciousness, to decide which state occurs.

I downloaded a book onto my Kindle today that should help me understand it all better, Quantum Enigma: Physics Encounters Consciousness. After I read the sample they provided, I was hooked. It is the only thing I've found that seems to be written for someone without a mathematical background, and so far I've enjoyed the metaphysical gymnastics I've been needing to perform as I read. It does seems strange to think that consciousness can change the state of a physical object, but that is what it seems to be saying. I learned that Einstein didn't like the idea of quantum mechanics because it counters the whole theory of relativity. The two theories are mutually exclusive, but both seem to be true.

And then I began to wonder just what is consciousness? It seems that is a big subject, and that even though I know intellectually what consciousness is, nobody has ever been able to point to it. Is it part of the mind, or separate, or what? Wikipedia gives this definition:

Consciousness, at its simplest, is sentience or awareness of internal and external existence. Despite millennia of analyses, definitions, explanations and debates by philosophers and scientists, consciousness remains puzzling and controversial, being at once the most familiar and also the most mysterious aspect of our lives.

In my studies of Buddhism, I've learned that consciousness, or mind, is what Buddhists believe continues past death and that your consciousness is transferred to another sentient being depending on your karma, or past actions. It also believes that all beings, from insects to humans, are sentient. While this seems dubious to me, it's certainly possible, and many religions believe that one's soul lives on after death. Whatever the truth is, I guess I'll have to wait until I've gone beyond to find out. Or not. But learning that quantum physics opens up possibilities of other realms of existence has made me wonder, once again, just what the heck we humans are. 

As I grow older, and every day a little closer to the day that will bring my demise, I'm finding that the prospect of dying doesn't seem nearly as scary as it once did. Everything that is alive will die, everything that was born will finish its cycle by returning to Mother Earth, and that seems to me to be rather comforting. We humans have certainly made a mess of things, and perhaps future humans will find a way to fix the destruction we have caused to the planet (I certainly hope so), and that future generations will look back at this time and smile at our naiveté. If I can believe in anything at all, whatever I wish, I believe that love and peace will prevail.

Last night I lost an hour of sleep. Well, not really, since I slept until I usually do, and awakened 45 minutes later than I normally would. But it was actually pretty much the time I always awaken, it's just the clocks that have changed. Because I wasn't sure I'd be able to get everything done (like this post) on time, I told John I wouldn't be at the coffee shop this morning. My routine is no longer etched in stone, as it was before the pandemic changed everything, and I'm finding I sort of like to have some days when I don't know exactly how I'll spend the hours. Then last night my friend Lily texted me and asked me to come to her house for coffee and go for a walk together today, and I agreed that would be great. I really miss her company.

Friends and family, and my virtual community, are all extremely important parts of my life, and I need to nurture all of my interrelationships to maintain my equilibrium. I am, after all, now an elder and need to set a good example for the younger generations to follow. The world today seems brighter, not just because Daylight Saving Time will give us more daylight at the end of the day, but because I am at this moment filled with optimism for the Time Being. One concept that Ozeki uses in her book is that memories are also Time Beings, and they are pretty and delightful when they are new, like cherry blossoms, but they fade and fall to the earth after a short while. I know my memories are not the same as the actual events, but I still cherish every single one, pressed into the diary of my days.

And yes, with that, my dear friends, I am ready to continue on with the rest of today. My dear partner sleeps next to me, his breathing steady and peaceful. My tea is gone, and the day ahead beckons me to join it. Another precious day that I can spend however I choose. May this day bring you joy, my dear reader, and I wish you all good things until we meet again next week.