It has been so long since I wrote here, and in the meantime they have changed some things, so I will try to get something in here for my followers to know that I am still alive. Not kicking exactly, but I am not spending all my waking hours crying. At first, that was all I could manage. But it has been six weeks today since SG died. I miss him terribly but this is what all of us mortals must endure, until it is our time to leave. Every one dies, some early and some last, but unless we die young, we all go through this suffering and pain.
My guy and I discussed this in the past, and we agreed that I could go first. But the Universe had other plans and wasn't listening, I guess. I can still end up in a blubber of tears at a moment's notice, but now I spend less and less time in that situation When I lost my first son when I was 22, I took almost a decade to recover. Now I don't think I've got another decade to spare, I hope at least. I'm beginning to think that life after eighty is filled with sadness and loss, but at my current age of 83, I might actually recover and find love again. I will never stop loving My Guy, never, but perhaps I have another purpose here that will emerge in the fullness of time.
Unfortunately, my eyes intone to detiorate,so writing has braver difficult and frustrating and causes me to enjoy it less and less. But I have so many wonde4rful friends and relative who will help me get through this and once I gain some per-dive, I'll l46 you know. Maybe even post a picture or two. Eventual, dear friends.
I hope you are doing well
and look forward to better days ahead.
DJan
17 comments:
Glad to hear from you. I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how you’re doing.
Enjoy our sunny day. Linda P.
Here for you. Prayers. For blogging, try a voice program that types what you say. That way all you have to do is edit to correct any mistakes taking care not to read too fast lest you roll over a mistake.
Grief management has issues of its own that can take too much control over our lives. Be good to yourself, embrace how delicate you are and cry whenever you feel like it.
May
Thank you dear friend for posting on your blog today. I have been thinking of an praying for you every day. My sister was widowed about the same time as you...one day at a time. May your sweet memories help you through the really hard times!
DJan - so good to hear from you. I've been thinking of you and sending lots of love your way. As you already, sadly, know - grief is hard and takes time. Take that time and treat yourself gently. xo
I hope you’re getting support from Bellingham John, Lily, and Steve. Your regular virtual friends, including me, miss you. I just typed this into Google and got some great suggestions: “for an older blogger with vision issues what are your suggestions for getting started with creating posts with audio” Very best wishes for dealing with the pain and suffering.
It's so good to hear from you again. I wish you soothing energies as you deal with all these life changes. May your next chapter with blogging bring you more joy and support for whatever you feel like sharing.
This is fantastic to see you back on the blog and sharing part of your life with us. We worry about you when we don't know about you. I often hear I miss a partner greatly. Take each day at time.
Life without death is just not possible. You lead with grace. You've been an inspiration to me as I enter the 8th decade, taking loss in stride & engaging in life. Consider yourself hugged.
Oh, thank god! That was my thought when seeing your post this morning. DJan, I was so afraid that we wouldn't hear from you again... and that made me sad. I just wanted to know that you were OK and being taken care of. So, glad to hear that you are 'surviving'... not easily, and understandable, but still. Please try to update us occasionally if not weekly. I fear the same will happen one day and I too have prayed that it will be me first... but as you said, the universe may have different plans.
Dear sister, my own experiences with grief have led me to keep my distance for the most part. As I believe you know, whenever I lose someone, I always prefer to crawl under a rock and be alone, maybe forever, but I need to tell you that I love you, and that I've been thinking of you pretty much every day during these past two months. Memories are a garden of tears and smiles. The smiles will blossom, any many of the tears will be slowly crowded out. I love you, I love you, I love you.
You are here! I did not find you on Sunday morning and then I get very busy. We have been doing a lot of gardening. I think about you going for walks and enjoying what's blooming. I hope you can get back to ding that. Spring is very beautiful now, one blooming season after another. Grab a little of that beauty to nurture your soul.
Sending you love.
Thank you for checking in. It was good to hear from you and to know that you are getting on.
Very glad to read an update from you, DJan. I know this must be very hard for you. Do you have someone who can read our comments to you, or are you able to enlarge the type enough to see the words on your page? Praying for comfort and peace in your days.
For me (and probably for you), grief and loss will mean taking one hour, one day at a time--sometimes the big feelings just hit, but keeping busy and trying to find contentment in small activities help. Thinking of you.
It's nice to see a new post from you DJan... I was pretty sure things would be little better since your last post, but it's still good to hear from you again.
If you published an obituary for SG I’d love to read it. Maybe you could give us a link. I could not find one with the info I have.
Happy Mother's Day! I thought there might be a post from you today!
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