I stepped from Plank to Plank
A slow and cautious way
The Stars about my Head I felt
About my feet the Sea.

I knew not but the next
Would be my final inch -
This gave me that precarious Gait
Some call Experience.

Emily Dickinson, c. 1864

Sunday, February 9, 2020

Friends of my heart

Fearsome foursome
This picture was taken (a group selfie) on Christmas Day when the coffee shop was closed. They are some of my dearest friends now, and sometimes I wonder just how it all happened. I've known Gene the longest, him of the Santa beard. He was at the coffee shop when I first went there almost a dozen years ago now. Lily and John I've known for a lesser amount of time, but they are just as precious to me. These are friends of my heart, family in almost every way.

Lily has been going through an exceptionally hard time in her life. She left this week to travel home to Guatemala to be with her mother, who faces an uncertain future. Her mother survived esophageal cancer twelve years ago, and now it's returned after all this time. Her mother doesn't want to go through another bout of treatment. Lily took leave from her job and spent a long day of three separate flights to get there. She should have arrived yesterday, but I haven't heard from her yet.

Gene drove her to the airport in Vancouver, Canada, because the flights are much cheaper from there, versus Seattle, even though she flew on an American carrier. Gene was willing to get up at 4:00am and head across the border to get her to the airport. I offered, but Lily knew I have never been to that airport before, and she worried I might get lost. Better to have Gene do it, since he's very familiar with the area. Gene turned up at the coffee shop before 8:00am, and he said they had no problems crossing the border. I do hope she will have no problem on the return, since she only has a green card and being from Central America these days, there is no guarantee that they will let her back in.

Last week John had a biopsy of his prostate, since his PSA numbers had recently spiked. He told me the doctor called him in the evening to tell him the bad news: he does have prostate cancer. His father died of the disease in his fifties, and both of his younger brothers have developed it. Apparently there are different severities of the cancer, and he has a more aggressive form of it, so he will need some sort of treatment. I was very upset by the news, but he took it in stride. I think I slept more poorly worrying about him than he did! Not that worry ever makes anything better, but some of us can't help it. I'm a world class worrier.
That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent. —Chinese Proverb
Yeah, right. I've got nests in my nests. I've struggled with worry, trying to find ways to cope with it, but so far I've been unsuccessful. I think if you let yourself love freely, you care very much about the lives of your friends and family. And as we get older, things happen to each of us that must be dealt with. It's the way life works, and the only way I've found not to worry is not to let myself care and look away from the difficulties they face. But that is a lonely and hard path to follow, I find. It's better just to let the nests build up in my hair. And keep my hair cut short.

What surprises me the most is that these people have become so dear to me, and they were just people hanging out at the coffee shop along with me. Gene brought John there one day, because he knew that John was lonely and needed some companionship. I didn't like John at all when I first met him, because he had the look of a conservative old redneck farmer, and I judged him. I could not have been more wrong in my assessment, and I've learned that looks can be deceiving. John is thoughtful, intellectually curious, and even more of a liberal than I am! And I've been the recipient of his kindness many, many times. I count him as one my favorite people. So I'll worry about him until we get this disease under control.

Lily is the only one of the group who is still in her working years. She is also going through a divorce, which will be finalized when she returns. She has the final court date in early March, and we'll celebrate when it happens. Lily used to live in our apartment complex, but now she's across town from me, so I don't see her as often as I once did, but we get together at least once a week. She goes on the Saturday morning walks with the ladies, and then she and I go out to breakfast afterwards. I already miss her presence and look forward to her eventual return. She's got a lot to deal with right now, so I won't bother her with my worries. I'll just keep them to myself for now.

For the moment (and really, that is all we have), things seem to be going pretty well at home with my dear partner. Yesterday we let go of our Verizon account for our iPhones and went to Consumer Cellular. There are a few glitches, but so far it seems to be working pretty well. I am happy that our phone bill will be reduced significantly, and that our coverage will increase. SG did all the research ahead of time, so we had all the passwords and account numbers to facilitate the process when we went to the store to purchase new SIM cards for our current phones. The tech person did all the work for us, which was really helpful. I didn't even know you could do that without buying new phones. But then again, I'm just not very tech-savvy.

Well, that's what's been on my mind this past week. A rather eventful one, but really not unusual for someone of my advanced years. As I get older, I find myself being more and more grateful for the life we've created for ourselves in our retirement. We have friends who care about us, and as we move through the weeks and months without any major health concerns of our own, I am indeed filled with love and gratitude for all our blessings. The ability to write, read, ponder and share, are all things I take for granted most of the time. It's important to stop and look around, taking stock of my wonderful life, and say THANK YOU to the Powers That Be for it all. Until we meet again next week, I wish you, my dear readers, all good things. Be well.

20 comments:

Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMotte said...

Worry is a tough issue as it brings up fear. With all your exercise and yoga I hope you can focus and send. Positive vibes to friends and yourself. I am sending you some too. Hopes is our only way out as they battle with their hardships.

gigi-hawaii said...

I feel sorry for your friends and hope for the best. I hope Lily can get back into the country with her green card. One never knows these days.

Linda Reeder said...

I inherited a strong worry gene from my mother. I have always been a worrier, since childhood. Nowadays, I try to reason with myself to analyze why I might be worrying and then try to shut some of it off. It sort of works.
But as you are facing, some worries can't be easily fixed. They are real and yet are outside of your sphere of influence. Those are hardest that you have no control over. I wish your dear friends well as they travel their new, hard roads.

Arkansas Patti said...

Isn't it wonderful how random acquaintances can become such a dear part of our lives. I do hope John's treatment is totally successful and that Lily's mother makes it through the next round of treatment if she chooses that route and that Lily has no trouble with reentry. Will put all three in my prayers.

Elephant's Child said...

Friends of the heart are a precious gift. As you know.
I am also a world class worrier, mentally crossing bridges before I am even sure there is a river.
I wish all the best to all of your friends in their current travails.

John's Island said...

Happy Sunday to you DJan. As I've said many times before, you have a wonderful way of putting things into words. You do much better with it than I could ever do. I enjoyed today's post a lot. It's neat to hear how you four have become such good friends over the years at the coffee shop. Those of us who've followed Eye for years know that, from time to time, we get updates on the coffee shop group. It is sad to hear about the issues for John and Lily. I truly hope that things will turn out well for them. And, on the other subject, Consumer Cellular, it delights me to hear that you and SG are giving it a try. I keep seeing the ads for CC on TV all the time. I know I am spending way more for AT&T but I have been reluctant to make any changes until I hear from someone I know who has tried it. Please keep us posted and give us an update on this in the months ahead. Thanks for another great edition of Eye and have a great week ahead!

Far Side of Fifty said...

I always look forward to hearing about your friends. They are good to you that is what counts! I hope John gets the treatment he needs to overcome the Prostate Cancer. As we age more and more people have the big C. Sometimes that is hard to accept but we must.
My husband is a worrier...Type A personality...he would have a pile of nests in his hair IF he had any! One day at a time:) Hope you have a good week:)

William Kendall said...

I'm sorry for your friends.

Marie Smith said...

I’ve been worrying about a friend who received a cancer diagnosis recently, helping her however I can. I worry a lot too but it’s useless and hard to turn off. Keeping active helps.

Glenda Beall said...

I wrote about love on my blog today and find you have also. Your love for these people who were once strangers is a lesson in life. When we reach out and get to know people, we learn about their pain, their fears and sufferings, our empathy and compassion grows. Such a beautiful story. Like you, I am also a worrier. I have always been one and I don't know how to stop. I try everything, meditation, prayer, but still I can't calm my mind until I do something.
I hope your friends have good luck with their problems and I know having you for a friend will help them all.

Gigi said...

I've always said that the dear friends you have are the family you chose. I am so sorry to hear about John's diagnoses and will keep him and Lily in my thoughts.

I'm happy to hear that your phone bill will go down. Just today, The Husband hooked up an antennae to the television to see if it would work without the cable. It does and we will be cutting the cord tomorrow. Cable has become such a ripoff - we only have basic cable - none of the major channels (HBO, etc) and that was $55! When we first got it years ago, it was about $9 a month. Over the years it has crept up - without our service creeping up. So it's time to let it go. We keep eyeballing our Verizon bill but haven't heard any success stories with other companies yet.

The Furry Gnome said...

Getting old is tough!

Red said...

I think here's some kind of quote about having to be a friend to have friends. You're a fine example of a friend. I think all of us worry to some extent.

Linda Myers said...

I was giving a couple of visiting family members a tour of our retirement community today. I must have greeted half a dozen people that I know. There is nothing better than being part of a companionable neighborhood.

Rita said...

I have nests in my hair, too. I try to ignore them as much as possible, but they are all there. I hope all your dear friends will do and be well. *hugs*

Friko said...

“filled with love and gratitude” what more is there to say?
As ever, you are an inspiration to this curmudgeonly old trout. Thank you, DJan.

Tabor said...

Ah yes, the worries of the day. I realize that both my husband and I are of the age that one of us is going to be facing some major health problem soon. I have to accept that. I will not worry, as it cannot be changed. My worry now is for the health of a 40 something couple who are watching their daughter die of cancer. I worry for them, for what it is stripping away of their future life and future health. I hate long sad stories.

Annsterw said...

Worry shows how much of you heart these people have! That is wonderful that you care for them so much - I believe we are judged in how much we extent to others so you will be greatly blessed!

Dee said...

Dear DJan, I so laughed out loud when you wrote the follow-up sentence to the hair nests. That is, the sentence about keeping your hair short.

That was the one laugh that came because this posting is so filled with the worry that comes when we let ourselves love. We want to trust that all shall be well and yet we know how vulnerable our friends and family and ourselves are to the vicissitudes of life.

So the answer has to be what your answer always is: to be grateful for this moment in this day. You, of all the blogs I read, are most aware of that and you help me become aware. That is a great gift you give to your readers. And I'm sure it is a gift you've shared with John and Gene and Lily. Pease to you, DJan, and may your friends enrich your life for many more years---AND, may Lily r return to the United States with no hassle nor restrictions. Peace.

GilStewart said...

DJan - my good luck, having stumbled onto a blog I want to follow. Sending prayers for John.....my prostate cancer arrived 25 years ago, and was subdued shortly thereafter. I hope John has such good luck.

Looking forward to reading more of your insights into the late-life I write and blog about.