I stepped from Plank to Plank
A slow and cautious way
The Stars about my Head I felt
About my feet the Sea.

I knew not but the next
Would be my final inch -
This gave me that precarious Gait
Some call Experience.

Emily Dickinson, c. 1864

Sunday, July 2, 2023

The more things change...

Summertime waterfront view

Last week, Melanie and I walked to the harbor on the waterfront, one of our favorite Saturday walks. This week, we walked to Fairhaven and the ferry terminal. Next week will be my last Saturday walk with her, before she moves to Oregon, making the commute a bit longer: like impossible. It will be our last walk together, and she agreed to let me take her out for lunch afterwards. She is almost all packed up and has just returned from a visit to her new apartment in the little town of Canby, Oregon, and has signed all the paperwork. I am reconciled to what will become my new normal. Nothing stays the same, and I will certainly miss my hiking and walking companion during the past few years. We started during the pandemic and never stopped after everything opened back up.

This is my first Sunday meditation post on my new laptop. Meet "Mavis," my new faster and better designed MacBook Air. I decided to go with the M2 chip, although it's a bit more expensive, because it's faster, and with a high-resolution screen where the colors pop right out! It's not going to seem any different to you as you look at my pictures, because I import them to the desktop in a lower resolution. It's all a bit more complicated than I understand, but I know that in just a few days I've already grown used to the speed and the much different keyboard. In fact, when I pull out my iPad at the coffee shop, I'm reminded once again what it's like to have to wait for things to appear, instead of seeing them instantaneously, as happens on Mavis.

I have also modified the pointer to a larger size, and I've learned how to make the outside of the pointer a different color, and now I don't have to keep searching for that pesky little cursor any longer. Unfortunately, though, the laptop has not learned how to create the post for me, so I'll have to continue to write it myself. Maybe I should learn about AI to do that part for me, too. But frankly, it scares me a little bit. Will we become slaves to the new AI mental ability? I'm reminded of SkyNet from the Terminator movies, which became self-aware and then decided humans were to be eliminated. But that couldn't really happen, could it? (shudder)

We have been enjoying the most perfect weather imaginable, while most of the rest of the country swelters. We'll most likely get our chance later in the year, but for now the temperature and cool breezes are delightful here in the Pacific Northwest upper corner of the country. I will be happy when I learn that Texas, where many in my family live, has returned to normal hot temperatures and not the extreme heat of recent days. I read that more than a dozen people have died because of it.

On my other blog, I lamented that now all of my four siblings have become grandparents, with me the only outlier. But my brother reminded me that his daughter has not had any children, so I was wrong about that. It did make me feel glad to know I am not the only one and have company in the grandparent-less family universe. I am an aunt and great-aunt many times over, and that makes me very happy indeed. I love the fact that there is no shortage of little ones in my immediate family. Mama would be proud, if she were still around. Maybe she does know anyway. I was reminded that by the end of this month, she would have turned 100. Instead, she didn't even make it to 70, while I, her eldest child, has managed to turn 80. Yeah, I know I bring it up all the time, but it's a huge milestone and weighs on me.
The most important thing I can tell you about aging is this: If you really feel that you want to have an off-the-shoulder blouse and some big beads and thong sandals and a dirndl skirt and a magnolia in your hair, do it. Even if you're wrinkled. —Maya Angelou

Well, it will be a long time from now before I decide to dress that way, but I'm glad to know that I can if I want to, right? Maya Angelou certainly did. She died at 86 and accomplished great things during her lifetime. She is still relevant and will remain so for a long, long time. When I die, nobody but my immediate family and friends will remember me, but it really doesn't matter in the long run. Sometimes I think I should write a book, or publish my posts in some fashion, just so that I won't fade into history without any trace. But I fail to see what difference it would make in the world; I'll never be a Maya or an Eleanor Roosevelt or even a published author. I will make my own history as I live and love each day of my life and let it go. My need for creativity and writing is pretty much satisfied by blogging, and making new friends through the magic of the internet. It's enough for me, and my happiness at the way my life has turned out is boundless. 

I am also filled with gratitude for so many wonderful ways I get to enjoy my days. To continue to be able to hike and walk, albeit more slowly than I once did, to have enough to eat and a place to live that suits me well, and to have my partner to share our days together, well, it's enough. 

Mama and me in 1943

When she was a young woman, Mama had no idea how she would live her life, how many children she would have, or how it would all turn out. I think if she were to look back from the vantage point of a century later, she would be pleased and grateful, too, for having had her moment on the stage, with a magnolia in her hair and an off-the-shoulder blouse, because she was like that. She imparted her infant with oodles of love and safety, and I feel it still today. As long as I live, my mother will continue to visit me in my dreams. Who could ask for more?

And with that, I will wrap up this post and look forward to the rest of my day. It's getting warmer, so I'll take a walk earlier in the day, after having had breakfast with my friend John, and spending some time with SG. And giving thanks for everything the universe has blessed me with. That includes you, my dear virtual friends. I wish you nothing but the best week ahead and surround you with love and gratitude. Be well.


15 comments:

ApacheDug said...

DJan, I have never seen a photo of you & your mom that I didn't immediately think "these are magazine worthy". Your mom was beautiful and should've graced the covers of some of those 1940s magazines which were so much in abundance! My gosh, what a sweet, wonderful photo! This was a lovely if not a bit sad read, very happy for your new computer (and maybe a little jealous too) but I am happy for you. But sad too, that the no grandchildren thing could bother you (as you're still a mom) and of course, Melanie going. I don't even know her and I'm going to miss her. Good for you for the way you carry on.

Marie Smith said...

I’ve come to believe my sphere of influence includes my family and a few people whose friendship I value. To be remembered by them would be wonderful! Have a great week, Jan.

P.S. I would remember you, my friend!

John's Island said...

I had to look up Canby and found it just south of Portland. I wish we could ask questions because I’m curious what would draw Melanie away from Bellingham. Congrats on Mavis. She sounds sweet. And, yes, our weather has been sweet. Like you, I fear the heat dome returning later this month or next. And, yes, they say happiness is being a grandparent. But again, just like yourself, I’m plenty happy without any. 😊 Lastly, you and Mama, 1943, wow … what a perfect photo. Wishing you and SG a happy week ahead.

Linda Reeder said...

Canby, Oregon! My Homeland! I grew up in Oregon's Willamette Valley, on a small farm between the towns of Molalla and Canby. I know it well. Our address was Canby but we went to school in Molalla, the boundary being just down the road.
Molalla was a logging town on the edge of the valley and has declined. Canby is a farming town and has thrived. It's near the 1-5 freeway for quick access to all points south and south. Good choice, Melanie.
And yes, I know how aggravating chasing a cursor can be. Mavis was the name of one of our elderly retired teacher breakfast club friends. She passed several years ago at the age of 92. I think she would be pleased to pass on her name to something so very modern.

Barbara Rogers said...

I'm here each Sunday reading your blog, but you don't know me as much as I know you. Thus the lurkers on various places on the net...FB is one I like to post inspiring things or neat photos, or share old antique photos. Anyway I do two blogs...one about where I live, and one of my opinions. Daily.

Elephant's Child said...

The more things change indeed. And yes, you will be remembered. Remembered by people who have never had the privilege of meeting you face to face. I am constantly blown away by way the internet has simultaneously shrunk our world and expanded our horizons.

Gigi said...

That is a beautiful picture of you and your mother! Thank you for sharing it.

Congrats on the new computer! After seven years (who knew it had been that long already?), I finally replaced my phone. Wow! What a difference a few (or many, in my case) updates makes.

Have a great week!

Red said...

I often think about how or will be be remembered. I think about my sister who died in 1953. a very small group of living people met or knew her. There is a grave maker and people will look at it and know who she was but these people would not have known her. For us who have ashes spread on an area, we will have no marker. On the other hand, maybe this electronic age will leave a record of our life.

Rita said...

Sounds like you love your new laptop! Good news!
My writing urge is pretty much satisfied by blogging and letters. I haven't done any more creative writing since I left college in 2004. Most people don't even know I have another blog where I stored that stuff. I have been published, though. If I had a bucket list that would have been on it--lol!
I am feeling so very grateful for everything and everybody today, too. Bless you, my friend.

John's Island said...

To Linda Reeder: Thanks for answering my question about Canby. I looked it up on Google Maps and drove around a couple of neighborhoods with Street View. Nice little town!

Far Side of Fifty said...

Sounds like you are pleased with your new laptop! Good for you as they say you cannot take it with you so why not spend it on things that give you pleasure! I had to look up where Mel was going to in Oregon! I hope she likes it there!
Hope you have a great week!

Linda Myers said...

What version of Mac did you give up? I'm considering doing the same thing.

Each year I use blog2print which creates a book of all my posts for the year. You might take a look at that.

Anvilcloud said...

Most of humanity lives quiet lives that do not have much of an impact.

Rian said...

DJan, so much of what you say or think about is similar to my own thoughts. No one but my immediate family and friends will remember me. I've not accomplished anything that will change the world. But we have lived fairly good lives and given love to those around us. Maybe that's enough. And as for children and grandchildren, I don't think they're necessarily a must to be happy - maybe a boon, but not a must. The way I look at it is that one is happy before a child (or grandchild) is born, but then the birth opens up another place in your heart that you didn't know existed. That's my take on it anyway.
And even though Melanie is leaving, you now have a wonderful place to go to visit her.
Love the pic of your mom and you! And I agree with Maya, if that's your thing, go for it! However, definitely not my thing...

William Kendall said...

No matter how much time passes since they've passed on, we are very much aware of our mothers.